Overwhelmed? How to Self-Soothe.
Here is a statement that even Captain Obvious would roll his eyes at: Life is hard, especially during a world-wide pandemic. Between work, school, family, relationships, and hobbies, it can begin to feel as though it is impossible to find a minute to breathe, let alone participate in activities purely for fun. You may have every intention of taking your friend’s advice to engage in more “self care,” but with your ever-expanding to-do list looming over you like a dark anxiety cloud, it’s becomes second nature to put off whatever activity you had planned for tomorrow (or the next day...or the next day…) and dive back into the grind. This is all so common and absolutely not sustainable.
The term “self-care” has started to elicit immediate eye rolls and groans. Sure, taking an hour-long bubble bath while listening to relaxing music sounds lovely, but the idea of squeezing that in between the myriad of tasks you have every day may seem unrealistic. “Sounds great! I’ll just fit that in between work, driving my kids to soccer practice, and baking nut-free/gluten-free/dairy-free cupcakes for my kid’s bake sale.” (Note: how to effectively make time for positive activities IS important, and will be addressed in a future blog post. Stay tuned!). So for the sake of this conversation, lets replace the term “self-care” with the DBT practice of “self-soothing.”
Similarly to pacifying a crying baby, self-soothing is the ability to use our senses to help relax our mind and body and relieve ourselves of stress, anxiety, and other consuming emotions. These skills can take as much or little time as you need, which makes them easy to incorporate into your busy schedules. The goal, like all other goals of DBT, is to engage in each one MINDFULLY, meaning being fully aware of the experience in the moment without getting too distracted.
Here is a breakdown of what this could look like for each sense:
Sight: surrounding your work space with images that make you feel warm and fuzzy. This could be pictures of family, friends, pets, favorite vacation spots, inspirational quotes, etc.
Sound: creating playlists of relaxing music, downloading apps that create familiar sounds (i.e. cracking fire, rain on a tin roof), guided meditations.
Touch: putting on certain comfy clothes, handling stress balls and fidget toys, or taking a few minutes to snuggle your dog, cat, guinea pig, snake, goldfish….
Smell: collecting scents that bring up positive, calming memories or feelings. This can include candles, lip balms, hand lotions, and essential oils.
Taste: allowing yourself to mindfully indulge in comfort foods and treats that make you feel good. Similar to smell, many of us have those special foods that bring us back to memories of happiness, connection, and a feeling of safety. Chocolate truly can cure all woes.
Movement: engaging in any form of movement that makes you feel grounded, fully present, and relaxed, including gentle stretching, walking, yoga poses, dancing, breathing exercises,... the skies the limit!
We suggest making “self-soothing kits” that contain objects related to as many senses as possible, including one for your work space, your car (especially for you road ragers out there ;) ), and one that can travel with you in your backpack or purse. Having your kits accessible to you at all times will enable you to take a few minutes throughout the day to stop, engage in a comforting scent, relax your mind and body, and refuel your emotional tank so you have the energy to continue crushing that to-do list.
Then some comment about “contact us and give us your patronage and money”