Connecting through Validation
Greetings, OPAL Community!
This week, we are expanding on the DBT acceptance skill of Validation. This skill helps us to soothe and connect with ourselves and others when we are going through pain or feeling alone/misunderstood. Validation is being nonjudgmental “out loud” - through our nonverbals, behavior, and words (or thoughts toward self). One crucial component of validation is the ability to pay attention and be truly present. In doing this, we acknowledge painful experiences without turning away from them (e.g., trying to find a silver lining) or dismissing them (e.g., minimizing the impact of the situation). Sometimes just showing up can be validating!
One thing that can interfere with validation is the avoidance or fear of emotions. We may worry that we will say something “wrong;” feel uncomfortable with vulnerability; or believe that emotions make us or others weak. The good news is that there is no “right” way to be present to someone (although there may be some clearly invalidating responses; the more we practice, the better we will get; and emotions are not a sign of weakness! Researcher Brene Brown has found that vulnerability with ourselves and others is a critical component to increasing our connection and meaningful living. In the following clip, she teaches how the hard work of vulnerability increases our empathy, and in turn ability to validate others.
Here’s a great video to help: